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Ever since we were in high school, one of life’s big questions has been, when is the right time to get sexually intimate with someone you’re dating? For centuries women have been concerned about being perceived as “easy” or “slutty” so we agonize over the timing of sexual intimacy, and wonder when “respectable women” can say yes without ruining our reputations.

Well times have changed, and waiting for a specified period of time to elapse before having sex is passé. The sexual revolution happened more than a few decades ago, and we aren’t getting any younger, so we may as well do as we damn well please. The truth is, there really is no right time. It could easily be just a few incredible dates or it could be never.  There is no right or wrong answer. It’s a personal decision and one that can only be made based on the particulars of a specific situation. What’s right in one scenario, may not feel right in another. People are incredibly different and when we come together at different times, under different circumstances, there are bound to be different outcomes. Unfortunately there are no steadfast guidelines for making that decision. You just need to know yourself and trust your instincts.

I think if there’s a mutual physical attraction, and you want to have sex with the person you’re dating, you need to take a moment to do a personal self-analysis and ask yourself a few serious questions. Firstly, are you in an emotionally healthy place where you are able to separate sex from love? Can you keep your emotions in check and refrain from romanticizing the relationship at this early stage just because you are being intimate? If you can’t do that, then you aren’t ready to jump into bed with someone until you’re in a more committed relationship. If your real goal is to find a husband or a soul mate, then casual dating with intimacy is probably not for you, and you may want to consider a longer courtship period. Time is really the only way to get to know someone. Hopping into bed isn’t a short cut to emotional intimacy, it’s a short cut to pleasure, and it’s essential not to confuse the two or your feeling are going to be left in emotinal tatters. Trust me.

Having said that, not everyone is looking for a committed relationship at this point in their lives.  So if you are seeking something more casual, like a friend with benefits, then I think that three or four dates can sometimes give you a decent comfort level to proceed with a sexual dalliance.  However, it is essential that you make sure you have gotten to know this person reasonably well first, and that means asking some important questions, such as:  Where does he live and work?  Even if this is going to be casual sex, you want to feel safe, and that means going home and doing a background check on this person. It’s amazing what you can find out by a simple Google search.  A friend or family member should also always know who you are with and have that person’s name, address and contact information. Have you met any of his friends or family?  You need to spend a little time doing a background check and  a character analysis so that you feel comfortable that this person is who he says he is and can be trusted.

As I have mentioned in previous blogs about sex, at this juncture you should both agree to get tested at the sexual health clinic and produce a clean bill of health. I also suggest using condoms just to be safe.  STDs are an epidemic amongst seniors so it’s essential to take your sexual health seriously.

As a result, being spontaneous is not a good idea for a first intimate night. It’s essential to wait at least a few dates, that way you have time to protect your health and make a safe, educated decision. It’s easy to get carried in away in the moment. But don’t. Planning for a weekend getaway or a stay over after a romantic dinner in a nice hotel is preferable to spontaneously inviting him in to your home (or his) after a date. At our age a bit of preparation including lubricants, beautiful lingerie and condoms will give you a much better experience.

Now that you have a few guidelines, remember to relax and have fun.

~ Dorrie

Senior Style Bible

One response to “SENIOR SEX: WHEN TO SAY YES”

  1. Actually…. not a lot has changed since I was 20… haha. And you are so right. What is right in one situation might not be in another.