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Menopause is an unfortunate fact of life. It often shows up completely unannounced and wreaks havoc on a woman’s looks, sanity and general sense of well being. It’s just no fun…it’s that plain and simple. However “the change” is not the beginning of the end and we really need to stop treating it like the apocalypse. Yes, quite frankly it can turn the world upside down, but it can be weathered like any storm. It does not have to completely derail our lives, leaving us mere shadows of our former selves.  I think the onset of menopause can do a real number on us physically and emotionally, making it extremely difficult to stay motivated and focused on our well being. This also often coincides with our kids leaving home or our professional lives winding down, and before we know it, things have started to slide. We pay a little less attention to the way we look, the extra weight begins to creep on, and perhaps we lose the motivation to exercise as much as we once did. Suddenly we find ourselves feeling a little bit less attractive and we aren’t sure how we got to this place, or how to get out of it.

The myriad of physical and emotional challenges women face during menopause usually do quite a number on how we look and feel about ourselves, and as a result our sex lives can take a beating. Yes, there are many valid reasons why women lose interest in sex, but they do not have to become insurmountable obstacles to maintaining a healthy and enjoyable sex life.

Physically, many women experience new discomforts during menopause. Vaginal dryness is a common complaint because it makes intercourse difficult and less enjoyable. However a good lubricant can easily solve that problem. Back in the day, K-Y Jelly was one of our only options. It was messy and smelly and decidedly unsexy to use, but modern lubricants are vastly superior. They actually enhance sexual intercourse as well as making it more comfortable. So have a shop around online and see what new products are on the market.

Another factor that also affects our sexual health as we age are our declining estrogen levels. They can cause a thinning of the vaginal walls, which makes sex painful.  However, this condition does not have to be endured in silence. Have a chat with your doctor. It’s essential to discuss the myriad of products that are currently being used to successfully treat hormonal imbalances. If Estrogen creams seem too risky, there are plenty of other holistic approaches to choose from.  It’s important to try different treatments until you find one that works. Sometimes that simply means trial and error.

Since we know that blood flow to the vagina lessens after menopause, having intercourse is a great way to stimulate the blood flow again, which is important, because it acts to keep our internal tissues healthy. Think of it as a case of “use it or lose it.” The good news is that you don’t have to be in a relationship to keep the blood flowing and your sexual health in tip top shape. There are many vibrators  (yes, as in sex toys) on the market specifically designed for pre and postmenopausal women. So self-gratification is not simply about personal pleasure, it also has some very important health benefits that should also be considered.

Menopause not only throws our bodies out of whack, but the hormonal changes can also throw our emotions into a tailspin as well. It can change the way we think about our bodies and sexuality. A poor body image is the number one reason women lose interest in sex.  So it’s important for older women to take the time to sit down and do a very honest self-analysis if things aren’t as great as they should be. Has your  self-esteem taken a hit? If so, why, and what can you do to change the way you feel about yourself? Ultimately our sex drive requires the right mindset. Studies show that women’s sexual satisfaction actually tends to increase with age. So, if your current sex life is not rocking your world, it’s time to do something about it. We all deserve an enjoyable sex life, so no more suffering in silence.  Faking orgasms will guarantee that your sex life will never improve.  After all, your partner thinks you are satisfied.  You are deserving of sexual pleasure, so let your partner know what you desire.  Sex is no longer something nice ladies don’t talk about.

You can start by talking to your partner about your physical changes. Share your concerns about your changing appearance, physical challenges, and see if you can enter into a dialogue about how to switch things up a bit to make things more enjoyable for both of you. Perhaps that means trying some new positions, or experimenting with sex aids. Sexual arousal is not a static thing. It changes, and in order to remain sexually satisfied, we need to change with it.  Give your sex life the same consideration that you would your wardrobe. Keep the oldies but goodies, and try to update the rest on a regular basis. Nothing spices life up like trying something new every once in a while.

~ Dorrie

Senior Style Bible


  1. Sheila says:

    Awesome post. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Barbara Orant says:

    Thanks for the great article, Dorrie. Please Ladies, if you are feeling emotional, having a meltdown or just don’t feel “like yourself”, go to your GYN and demand either the Estradiol patch and Progesterone (if you still have your uterus). I tried the herbal remedies first and then the patch. The otc herbs did nothing for me (you are low on estrogen not chaste berry) and I asked for the patch. Wow, what a difference. I was back to normal – no crying at the drop of a hat; no snapping at my husband. Don’t waste time and please look into the literature and books written by Suzanne SomersAgeless: The Naked Truth About Bioidentical Hormones , Dr. Jonathan Wright and Dr. John Lee. Go to your library and do your research. If you are in peri-menopause, the herbs may help you. Ms. Somers’ books brought it home for me. And, yes, you may have to fight or find another GYN until you find someone who will work with you. The study that was done years ago used synthetic hormones, Premarin and Progestin. These are not recognized by the body (maybe a horse’s body as Premarin is made from pregnant horse’s urine). Dr. Uzzi Reiss’ book, Natural Hormone Balance was my “go to” for understanding the chemistry and why natural hormones are the best. I hope this information helped.

  3. Dorrie, I think you are a feminist. To the barricades!.
    It is is so good of you to talk about these things freely and calling a spade a spade. That way people understand what you are talking about. I am sure a lot of women recognise what you are writing. I have gone through menopause reasonably easy. But a dryer vagina and thinning vaginal walls… yep… For half a year I got hormonal pills but that was stopped. Dutch regulations are very strict and they think it is not good for your body to take them too long. I have no idea what they were but I know they helped with the two issues I mentioned. The medication was not meant for the menopause.
    As you say, there are very good stimulating lubricants. I can recommend Durex Tingle (here is a link to the product on Amazon: ).
    And yes, my husband and I had to adjust our sex life and I did get a vibrator. The frequency is not twice a week like in the old times, it is not more like once every two weeks, but we are both happy with everything. It took me a year to figure all this out. And at one stage I thought “Oh what the heck, forget all about it”. But I don’t think it is a very good idea to live like brother and sister when you are married. My libido has gone down quite dramatically. But the engine can still be ignited. Just takes a bit longer.
    I thought I would honor your candidness with the same frankness in my comment. Hoping other women might benefit from it. Some may say “Too Much Information”… but you don’t HAVE to read it if you don’t want to….
    PS that leather top of yours and the leggings… very sexy!

    • deedee says:

      agree totally with you — I love Dorri for the exact reasons you describe. My friends and I do NOT always get to discuss such intimate details, but I try to talk as candid to my two daughters (only one is married). LOVE this blog.

  4. Sheela Goh says:

    I admire so much, Dorrie, your candour and honesty in dealing with issues one would typically file into a box labelled as “taboo”. I’m only in my mid 40s but I hit the perimenopause phase when I was 37 years old. Life as I knew ceased. Along with hot flushes came immense hormonal imbalances which have been the underlying cause behind recently diagnosed conditions including SLE, Hashimoto’s, Hyperthyroidism, Urticaria, Angioedema and IGE levels so elevated that for several years, I had to go to bed with ice packs in order to not feel the itch as much, and be able to sleep. Needless to say, my self-esteem plummeted in tandem with the Prednisone they stuffed me with to keep me alive post Lupus and Angioedema flare-ups, all of which packed on 70lbs. Libido? What libido GRIN thank god for finding a doctor who actually believed there was something wrong with me. That it wasn’t normal for someone of my age to be so fatigued, I’d lie on the couch all day long 🙂 things are finally on the up and up. I have been steroid free for 2 months and rash free, almost 2.5 months. I’ve lost 20lbs and am working hard on the rest. And, best of all, fun adventures are happening in the bedroom once again 🙂 xoxoxo

    p/s my doctor actually took me off Estrogen pills and I’m now on Progesterone, so much better. Because of my hypertension and history with fibroids in my uterus/cervix, the risk of thickened blood/clots was simply too high. I also have weekly Testosterone jabs alongside T3 as well as T4 pills.

  5. Skywalker Payne says:

    My experience with menopause was relatively mild because I was consuming tons of soy products. And it is true soy does provide a natural estrogenic benefit – but I eventually developed an allergy and found other reasons to avoid it except for tempeh. As for my sexuality – I find it’s more than just rolling around in the bed, it’s about me feeling that I’m a beautiful woman. Dressing to look attractive, being able to get out on the dance floor and dance with more rhythm and sensuality than any 20 year old. And above all, knowing how to pleasure myself.

  6. deedee says:

    I admire you and your sense of self AND style. so glad to see someone who is able/willing to talk about “stuff” that all of us older ladies face/deal with at some time in our existence.

    also — I truly love that leather top you are wearing in this article.

    keep up the good work and keep telling it like is.

  7. Neti says:

    First time here and I enjoyed reading this post, so I will be back to read more very soon. . . THANKS!