SEX & THE SENIOR: FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
Sex and Seniors. It’s one of the last remaining taboo subjects, so let’s talk about it and debunk a few myths. First of all, there is no magical cut off date when we suddenly wake up to discover that we are no longer sexual beings. We live in a youth oriented society that has been perpetuating the grossly misguided myth that sexuality slowly begins to die the moment that first gray hair appears. I think that motherhood, menopause and the relentless pressure from an unforgiving media all work in tandem to crush women’s desire and enthusiasm for sex, so by the time we reach 50, our sexuality and self-esteem have taken quite a beating. However, it’s never too late to resuscitate one’s mojo.
I for one, have no intention of relinquishing my ‘sexy lady’ card anytime soon, because I think all human beings need affection and intimacy in order to truly thrive.
Whether you approve or disapprove, the sexual revolution happened and women are no longer required to behave in a sexually reserved manner anymore. Back in the day, sex was something we saved for marriage, and if you didn’t, it surely wasn’t something you admitted to, or openly discussed. Many of us married quite young, often due to a raging sexual curiosity, and consequently only ever experienced intimacy with one person. There were good girls (our mothers told us those were the ones men wanted to marry) and bad girls (with loose morals, bad reputations and all of the dates.) Thankfully times have changed, and women can now admit to being sexual human beings and act upon it openly and without judgment from friends, society or that voice inside our own heads!
If you are fortunate enough to have a loving partner and a wonderful sex life, then this article is not for you. However, if like me, you are no longer that fortunate, then do read on.
Studies actually show that seniors who are sexually active live longer, healthier, happier lives, and who am I do quarrel with that? So, if you’re a single senior out there dating, and haven’t found your soul mate yet, you may want to consider finding a friend with benefits. Sexual satisfaction doesn’t necessarily have to be part of a committed love affair. It does however, require physical attraction, and above all else, trust. Just to be clear, I am not suggesting that women should take home a stranger for a one-night stand, because that can be very dangerous. Nor do I suggest taking up with any of the young studs who contact you on dating sites, because almost all of them are con artists of some sort. In my opinion, a friend with benefits is simply someone who you have dated, like and are physically attracted to, but for whatever reason does not have the potential to be a long term partner.
If the attraction is mutual, this type of man can be someone who you can develop a great sexual relationship with, without the ties of a committed partnership. While you are out there searching for that next great love, you can also fulfill your need for sexual intimacy at the same time. I realize this is not for everyone, and that many senior women have simply chosen to eliminate sex from their lives for a wide variety of reasons. However, if you still crave intimacy, you shouldn’t be ashamed to admit it, and act upon it. Love and sex do not have to exist simultaneously in the same relationship in order to be enjoyable. I have had very satisfying physical relationships with men who were simply wonderful lovers, but nothing more. Just because a strong physical chemistry is there, doesn’t mean that a man is relationship material. It’s important to recognize the difference between a potential partner and a potential lover and to be honest about what your needs are and what you are looking for. Sometimes this takes a bit of soul searching. It’s not easy to let go of a lifetime of antiquated thinking and open ourselves up to a more liberal way of behaving. However there are some great articles and websites out there that discuss senior sexuality, so if you are looking to explore that side of yourself, possibly start by reading a bit on the subject first. It always helps to feel supported and part of a community of like-minded people who are out there experiencing the same thing.
Here are some good resources:
Joan Price ~ http://www.joanprice.com
Sex After 50: Huff Post ~ www.huffingtonpost.com/news/sex-after-50/)
The Huffington Post ~ http://www.lctabus.com/new.asp?news/senior-sex/
Senior Planet ~ http://seniorplanet.org/tag/senior-sex/
~ Dorrie
Senior Style Bible
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I appreciate this post. In my second long term relationship, I confused good sex with love and married a bad guy.
So sorry Jan. Yes, that can be a problem. Is is difficult to keep that romantic haze out of the equation especially when it is great sex.
Thanks for talking about it
I am very gratified with the responses especially on SSB Facebook. Thanks
You are awesome for talking about this candidly, honestly and with the wisdom of experience!
Thanks Judy. I think it is such an important topic and about time for senior women to be able to openly discuss sex
Thanks for the article! I’m 60 and enjoy a robust sex life ( with my man of 30 + years). There are many reasons for that, but the one I want to share here because it might be enormously helpful to your readers is simply: bio identical hormone therapy.
WOW Pati, 30 years younger ….good for you! Please tell me more about bio identical hormone therapy.
The year I turned 50 I noticed something about my appearance had changed noticeably from the year before. Almost overnight I wasa little grumpy, a little depressed, my finely textured hair was looking wirey and my skin looked like wrinkled tissue paper. Also, I had no sex drive. I just assumed that it was the way of being a busy mom and aging gracefully. We were living in Santa Fe at the time with our three teenaged children, and pretty much every other women my age looked like me in the way I described above.
Fast forward ten years….. bio identical harmony therapy has literally saved my marriage, created a more fun filled life with my husband than we’ve ever had. I confidently give credit my hormones to the fact that I enjoyed a successful career in burlesque for three years – performing all over the country and here at the Mandalay Bay – in my late 50’s!
It can take trial and error to find the right practitioner. One of the best one’s in the field is right here in Vegas.
All it takes is a blood panel and an experienced naturopath (most doctors refer patients to bio identical specialists now, because the protocols require a full time practitioner to develop the skill to diagnose and tailor therapy that will achieve effective results).
Both me and my husband look and feel great because fundamentally our harmones are at the same level they were in our twenties. We do other things as well to support our hormonal profiles, but getting the right therapy is first and foremost the biggest reason we love our lives as 60 somethings and are still kickin’ some serious ass out there!
Very interesting Pati. Can you save me trial and error and share the name of the Doctor. I had never heard of bio identical harmony therapy but certainly interested in learning more.
YAY, applause… I am 100% agreeing with you. I am fortunate enough to have a loving partner and a good sex life. I am 61 now and with my husband for 27 years. In the years before I met him, I had boyfriends. Let’s say I did a lot of market research haha. The fact I didn’t meet a man worth marrying, didn’t mean I was going to wait and have no sex. I wasn’t a slut or anything, but a sexually independent woman. Besides, those were the seventies.. need I say more?
I applaud you for a) addressing the topic in the first place, b) for being so candid about it and c) for writing it so well.
On the barricades Dorrie.
Oh and I almost forgot saying this: that ensemble you are wearing is stunningly beautiful.
Greetje
Thanks Greetje, I always look forward to your feedback. Love that “market research” line. Did quite a bit of that myself and still in the game, to quote you “as a sexually independent woman”
My name is Nick William from Canada. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in February this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is DR.Odisha he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster Dr Odisha, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is: [email protected]
Love works in mysterious ways. i am so happy that it worked out for you
Men have the same needs. I should know, I am one of them (age 79). How can I find women interested in having a FWB relationship with compatible older men that are healthy, sensual, respectful and discreet? The pay-before-you-even-try dating sites are degrading to me and seemingly so for the lonely older women I see infrequently listed. Maybe I lack the skills in breaking the ice.