THE FIRST DATE
Senior Dating is fun. It really is. I have met so many wonderful people online, I cannot recommend it highly enough. However, it does require letting go of your fears and tapping into your spirit of adventure. I think it’s important to look at dating later in life as something fun, rather than a huge leap into the abyss of the unknown. I mean it’s drinks, it’s not a life-altering expedition to the North Pole. So please try to keep the “getting acquainted” part of online dating short and sweet. Putting off the first date doesn’t make it any easier. After a few emails and phone calls, you should be ready to arrange a date. Otherwise, you run the risk of prolonging the first meeting for far too long, and expectations become too high. That’s when things go wrong. Trust me. It’s very easy to inadvertently create a fantasy persona when we are sitting in front of the computer, then it becomes harder and harder to get up the courage to actually meet in person. So let’s try to cut to the chase as soon as possible and determine if there’s a common interest in meeting up.
Times have changed. You don’t have to sit back and wait for the gentleman to suggest a first date. If you feel a connection after a few emails and phone calls, it’s perfectly acceptable to casually say, “listen, you sound great, why don’t we arrange to meet for a drink this week? What’s your schedule looking like?” If he’s interested, he’ll set up a date. If he isn’t, he’ll put you off. Then the ball is in his court. Either way, you haven’t wasted too much time on this person, so you aren’t going to care too much if it goes either way. It’s really important to keep expectations low in the beginning. Not everyone we feel a connection with is going to eventuate into a date, so know that from the outset, and make sure you don’t take it personally. It isn’t personal because they don’t know you!
So… let’s get back to the first date. You should select the time and place so you are meeting in a comfortable environment that is familiar to you. I also think a first meeting should be during the day. I generally meet for lunch or an early happy hour drink somewhere low-key and not too noisy so that we are able to talk easily without shouting over the hum of a crowd.
However, before you meet, safety first. Just to be on the safe side, it’s important to tell a friend who you are meeting (providing them with his first and last name and his phone number) and where you are going. Never have a first date pick you up at your home, nor should you pick him up at his home. If he doesn’t drive, he can take a taxi to your date. Remember this is still a stranger, so for the first handful of dates, it’s a good idea to meet him at the destination. I strongly advise against giving anyone your address until you have been on half a dozen dates or more. Until then, keep the dates public. I have never had a problem, and I doubt that you will either, but these are good rules to follow anyway.
Preparing for a first date is always a bit nerve-racking, so I suggest sorting your wardrobe out in advance rather than trying on a million outfits on the day. I always have three or four great date outfits pressed and ready to go sitting in my closet, with my shoes polished and accessories all planned out. I wear the same outfits on rotation, which really takes the stress out of deciding what to wear an hour before a date. I also give myself two hours to take a bath and do my hair and makeup, so I don’t feel rushed. Luxuriate in the process of dressing up. It’s such a wonderfully feminine ritual.
So, now you’re out. What are you going to talk about? Hopefully you have done your homework and have had a read through those notes I told you to take so you can talk about the things that you two have discussed that are of interest to him. This is not the time to discuss your divorce, your problems at work, problems with your health, or issues with your kids. It’s not the time to discuss any problems at all. It’s also not a time to debate about the current state of politics or religion. Keep it light and humorous. You can’t go wrong talking about the places you have lived, your travels, your interests, music, film, food, books, hobbies, work (if you’re passionate about it), pets, sports, family. You get the idea. I like to call this “superficial cocktail conversation.”
The idea is to have a laugh, not to interrogate this person. It’s not a job interview. So try not to ask anything too deep or personal on the first date. At the same time, if you do not like the line of questioning, just say, “You know, let’s not talk about that right now” and change the subject by asking him a question on a completely different topic. Conversation is a two-way street, so if you’re bored, take charge and change the subject. Some people need a little guidance in the chit-chat department, so be generous and help the situation along if it hits an awkward patch. We all get nervous, and occasionally it is awkward. It’s not a big deal, so don’t get flustered if there’s a long silence. You can laugh about it instead.
More often than not, there will not be a second date, either by your choice, his choice, or mutual consensus. That’s okay. It’s normal. Dating takes practice, and not everyone we meet is going to be someone we want to spend time with, or vice versa. I like to think of dating as an opportunity to embrace new experiences, and if the whole evening is a complete disaster, it always makes for a funny story the next day. The secret is to try not to take it all too seriously. Just get out there and have fun.
~ Dorrie
Senior Style Bible
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Perfect sound advice. You have sussed this dating out very well. And I think you are a courageous woman who can laugh at herself. Very important in life.
You look darned good in this dating outfit.
Greetje
Thanks Greetje The outfit is not my usual style but a nice change. I could not agree more, being able to laugh at yourself can get you through what otherwise might be bad times.