HOW TO NARROW THE PLAYING FIELD
Online dating is like venturing into a brave new world, and that means learning how the realm of senior dating operates. When you first create your online dating profile, the site will highlight you as a new member. As the newest lady on the block, you’re going to attract a lot of initial attention, and a lot of immediate responses to your profile. This can be a bit overwhelming if you aren’t prepared for it. But don’t worry, you are going to filter through those initial emails fairly quickly and only communicate with a small percentage of the gentlemen who contact you.
So, how do you tackle the initial process of elimination? First eliminate all of the really young men from the picture. Undoubtedly you will be contacted by quite a few strapping young studs with bulging muscles in tiny swimming trunks who are looking for a sugar mommy. My suggestion is to avoid the temptation. Yes, some men do prefer older women, but there are also con artists who prey on women’s vulnerabilities online, and we want to avoid them like the plague. So, if your gut tells you a man has an agenda, he probably does. Listen to your instincts and move on. Next, you can eliminate a lot of the men in geographically undesirable locations, unless you are specifically looking for a long-distance pen pal. This is not to say that some beautiful relationships have not sparked and survived a long-distance courtship, but you have to be willing to relocate for love from the beginning. Otherwise, you are wasting a lot of precious time.
Once you have eliminated the playboys and men from the other side of the world, you can get down to business deciding who you would like to get to know. You don’t want to waste your time or theirs, so it’s essential to take a close look at each of the profiles and see what you have in common. Decide what really matters to you. Are you looking for someone with the same religious beliefs or political views? Do you want someone to share your hobbies and interests with? Are you looking for someone who is well educated and likes to have intellectual debates, or are you looking for someone who loves the great outdoors and prefers activities to conversations? Are you looking for someone who likes to take holidays abroad, or are you looking for someone who prefers staying closer to home? Are you looking for someone who is retired or still working? Some of the answers to these questions will be evident on their profiles; others you will have to ask them.
So now you have a list of “possibles” and you are ready to respond to each of them with an email. Don’t worry about responding to the men you aren’t interested in. They will understand if they don’t hear back from you. I know this sounds incredibly rude, but believe me, it’s the best way. There’s no polite way to say I’m sorry I’m not interested. Silence is the kindest, most effective way to convey that message. Trust me on this.
Emailing is a skill. So let me pass along a few tips that I’ve learned along the way. When reaching out to a prospective date, keep it short, sweet, and funny if possible. Pick out one or two things from his profile that you have in common and expand on them. The idea is to make a connection and give the gentleman something to write about when he responds to you. That does not mean writing a novel with your life story. Please keep the conversation light, chatty, and superficial at this point. Don’t discuss anything too personal. You don’t know this person, and retaining a bit of mystery never hurt anyone. Never disclose your address, financial position, or any information someone could use to target you for personal gain. You can safely talk about your interests, pets, kids, background, places you’ve traveled, books, movies, music, but stay away from divulging anything too personal when communicating online or on the phone. Trust is something we reserve until we know someone.
I usually exchange a few emails, have a few phone conversations, and then encourage a meeting. During the “getting to know you” phase, it’s more than likely that you will be communicating with quite a few men simultaneously, especially in the beginning when you are whittling all of the emails down to the “possibles.” This can get confusing, especially when talking to a number of people at the same time. To keep everyone straight, I suggest keeping notes after each phone call, so you can refer back to the specifics of each conversation later. I also suggest printing out your email exchanges, along with a few photos, then make a file for each potential suitor. It may not sound romantic, but it will prevent embarrassing blunders when you are out there dating in person. Trust me. Finally, I suggest asking for a first and last name and doing a Google search to confirm each person is who they claim to be before the date. It may sound a tiny bit paranoid, but I assure you that’s what the kids do these days. It’s simply a common-sense precaution women take in the world of modern dating.
Quite a few people like to drag the online/phone courtship out, however, I don’t recommend that. It’s too easy to hide our fears and anxiety behind a computer. Dating is done in person. So if you feel a connection after a few interactions, encourage a face-to-face meeting. You’re ready!
~ Dorrie
Senior Style Bible
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I’d also have a PI do a check after a promising first meeting. If I’d done that in the late 1980’s when personal ads were used instead of online ads, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.
Sorry you had a bad experience. It is always a good idea to do some checking. Sadly, there are many scam artists out there.